Letting Go Of Attachment:

Letting Go Of Attachment

The hardest attachment to let go of, is letting go of your attachment to the person you love.

By Khun Greg - khungregsthailand.com

I had envisioned my idea of what the perfect woman was, just like every other man out there.

My vision of the perfect woman was… She is Asian, about 5 foot tall, and 100 pounds. She has a pleasant personality, and a contagious smile. She is healthy, and physically fit. She loves to cook good food, and take care of her man. She is pretty, loves to have fun, and enjoy life.

I met a Thai lady named Noi. Noi was introduced to me by another Thai lady that I met online. I quickly became attached to Noi.

In my eyes Noi was very pretty. Not model pretty, but girl next door pretty. She definitely fit my ideology of the perfect woman.

She was Asian of course being from Thailand. She loved to exercise, and do aerobics every day, actually twice a day with a group of women that she was friends with.

Noi was 40 years old, and owned a hair salon. She had two children, but was divorced from her ex-husband for five years.

We talked every day after we were first introduced, and I easily fell in love with this lovely Thai lady of my dreams.

My first meeting with Noi was in Bangkok. She came to meet me at my hotel with her aunt. I paid for a room for her and her aunt at the hotel that I was staying in.

She was even prettier in person then her photos that she shared with me seemed to indicate. She was affectionate, and held my hand everywhere that we went.

She was the girl of my dreams, and the universe blessed me with her presence.

Noi, and her aunt met me at my hotel in Bangkok, and after I got a room for them we went to a nearby restaurant that I knew well to enjoy a good meal together.

The restaurant was a good 15 minute walk away from the hotel. I asked Noi if she wanted to take a taxi, but she told me that we could walk there. It was an easy walk for me, and Noi being physically fit had no problem with it either.

Her aunt on the other hand was a bit robust, and had a hard time keeping up with us as we held each other’s hand and walked to our destination. I remember her saying a few times, ‘Her too fat, she can’t keep up.” Then she laughed uncontrollably.

I should have taken this as a sign that there was something not quite right with her, but she was so pretty, and so perfect in my eyes I just laughed along with her.

Back at the hotel she spent time with me in my room, but nothing intimate happened. She left the next morning with her aunt because she had a business to run back home.

She pretty much ignored me after that, and my messages to her went unanswered. That is why I never went to see her in her hometown on that trip. I should have let her go then, but I didn’t. She was so pretty, and so perfect that I continued to pursue her.

Eventually she responded to me again, and had an excuse for why she hadn’t before. I didn’t care as I was blinded by love. We talked every day after that, and my attachment to her only grew stronger. She knew just what to say to keep me interested in her.

I was in love with this fantasy girl of mine. We made many plans to get married, and buy a house together in her hometown. We were going to host parties at our home, and invite her friends from aerobics to join us.

I was ready to move to Thailand permanently with the woman of my dreams. I let go of all of my attachments in America before my journey to Thailand. I sold, gave away, or threw away everything that did not fit into two suitcases, and left for my new life in Thailand.

Noi met me at the airport in Bangkok, and then accompanied me to my favorite hotel in Bangkok, the Ibis Riverside hotel. We shared a bed together, but she definitely did not want me to touch her in bed.

She had a ritual before she went to sleep. She would kneel down on the bed facing the headboard, and pray. Then she rubbed her hands briskly down the sheets, before wrapping herself up in the sheets like a mummy so that I couldn’t touch her.

Being a nice guy I respected her space and never touched her even though I wanted to. She was going to be my wife, and I didn’t see anything wrong with kissing her, or sleeping close to her, but she thought differently.

After a couple of days she told me that she wanted me to buy her a gold ring so that everybody would know that she had a boyfriend. I thought that this was a good next step in our relationship, so off to the gold shop we went.

When we got to the gold shop she looked at a couple of rings before turning her attention to gold bracelets. After trying a few on she found one she liked, and asked me to buy it for her to prove my love for her instead of the ring.

Needless to say she left the gold shop with a new gold bracelet that set me back about 20,000 baht.

After a week she was ready to return to her hometown. I went to the airport with her to make sure that she got there safely, and to the right gate. She seemed a bit naïve at times so it was probably a good thing.

Blinded by love

After a couple of weeks I decided to visit Noi. I wanted to get a hotel room next to the area that Noi, and her friend’s exercised at, but Noi didn’t like that idea. She met me at the airport, and took me to a hotel a ways away from that area.

She obviously didn’t want me to meet her friends that she did aerobics with in hindsight, but I was too blinded by love at the time to notice.

She brought me to her home, and introduced me to her mother. Her mother asked me if I wanted to marry her daughter, and I replied yes. Then her mother said, “Why, she is crazy girl?”

Mothers are always right, and I should have listened to her. I could have avoided becoming so attached / in love with her.

Noi took me to a few Buddhist temples in her hometown. She took me to many places on the back of her motorbike. I had my arms around her, and held on to her stomach tightly as we went to different places. That was the most physical contact that I had with her during the time that I spent with her.

She took me to several homes that were for sale in her hometown that she liked. She wanted me to buy a home for us so we could be happy together forever.

I told her that I could not buy a home only a condo because I was a foreigner. Noi had the perfect solution for me. I could buy it in her name, and then we could live there together, and be happy forever.

I tried to tell her that we should rent a house together first before we buy, but she thought this was a foolish idea. She insisted that I should buy a home for us if I truly loved her. Luckily red flags were going off in my head.

Back at her home she let me know about a problem she had. It seems a few months back a friend of hers wanted to borrow money. Noi pawned her gold at a shop for 17,000 baht, and loaned her friend 17,000 baht. Her friend left town with that money, and blocked her on social media.

Noi wanted me to give her 17,000 baht to get her gold back. That was the breaking point for me. She was foolish enough to give her so called friend that much money. Her friend stole her money. Why should I have to pay for it?

I went back to Bangkok Thailand. I was feeling sad, and heart broken. After 4 years of talking to the Thai lady of my dreams I finally saw her true heart. She never loved me, not like I loved her. She only wanted money from me.

I thought about her every day for five months after that. I beat myself up, and punished myself inside of my head wondering why me. What did I do wrong? The universe tried to answer me but I didn’t see what the universe was trying to tell me.

Let Go Of Attachment

I constantly saw the message, don’t ask why this did happen to me. Ask what is this supposed to teach me?


She told me later that I think too much, just like her ex-husband, and I was a bad man even though in my mind, I didn’t do anything wrong. She told me that I would never be happy in my life because I think too much.

Perhaps the end of our relationship was caused by our difference in cultural thinking, or maybe her mother was right, and she was a crazy girl. I will never know the truth, but I must accept this end no matter how much it hurts.

As I thought more deeply about the lesson that I was supposed to learn from Noi I came across a YouTube video about the difference between love and attachment. (VIEW BELOW)

I understand now. I didn’t love Noi, I was attached to her.

I wanted to live in the fantasy world with her that we created together. I wanted to have this attractive Thai lady love me, and take care of me forever. I was attached to this dream life with her, and that attachment only brought me pain. Unbearable pain that I never felt before.

Let go of your attachment to the one you love, or this attachment will eat you up inside forever.

Learning to let go of attachment to the one you love is a valuable lesson. Knowing the difference between love and attachment is an even more valuable lesson to learn.

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Recommended Reading:

The Language of Letting Go: Daily Meditations for Codependents (Hazelden Meditation Series)

This Is Me Letting You Go

The Language of Letting Go

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